Jalgpallihuumor on ületamatu... Teiste õnnetuse üle naermine veel ületamatum. Ehk siis põhjakäinud Tottenham Hotspuri üle irvitamine on pop.
I met this really kinky girl last night. 'Humiliate me,' she said ... So I bought her a Tottenham shirt
***
"I was playing Scrabble and had enough letters to make 'Tottenham Hotspur Football Club'. I was gutted when I found out it was only worth two points."
***
A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has nowhere to live. "What about your parents?" asks the social worker. "No, they beat me," says the boy. "What about your grandparents?" says the social worker. "No, they beat me even harder!" says the boy. "Well ... where do you want to stay then?" replies the social worker. "Tottenham," says the boy. "They don't beat anyone.
***
What does a Spurs fan do after he sees his team win? Turns off the Xbox
***
After leaving San Siro, Jose Mourinho was asked if he was going to help Spurs get out of their slump. He turned around and said, "No way, I ain't that special".
***
What does THFC stand for? Tottenham Heading For the Championship.
***
Kellele jäi väheseks, siis siit saab lisa.
2008/10/24
2008/10/19
Tänapäeva noorus on hukas, nagu ka koolisüsteem...
Nüüd me siis teame, mida Eesti eliitkoolid õpilastele lisaharidusena pakuvad ning missugust motivatsioonisüsteemia rakendavad...
Miks meile omala ajal raha ei antud, on muidugi kõige olulisem küsimus!
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Miks meile omala ajal raha ei antud, on muidugi kõige olulisem küsimus!
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2008/10/17
Kaks brasiillast müügiks!
Keegi tahab osta kahte Brasiilia jalgpallurit? Sellist kehvapoolsemat? Igatahes on Djurgårdeni fännid kaks oma meest eBay'sse müüki pannud.
"Müüa kaks mõttetut brasiillast ja võrkkiik! Üks rõõmus ja üks viril brasiillane müüa kõrgemaile pakkujale. Anna endast juba täna märku ja saa võrkkiik kauba peale."
Nii et peaks igale maitsele midagi olema - helgeteks päevadeks valgenahaline ja lõbus Enrico Cardoso Nazaré ja kehvemateks mustanahaline ja vinguvam Thiago Quirino da Silva ja kui meest ei taha, saab kiikuda.
Praegu on kõrgeim pakkumine alghind 1 dollar, nii et kõik soovijad peaks saama seda endale lubada ...
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"Müüa kaks mõttetut brasiillast ja võrkkiik! Üks rõõmus ja üks viril brasiillane müüa kõrgemaile pakkujale. Anna endast juba täna märku ja saa võrkkiik kauba peale."
Nii et peaks igale maitsele midagi olema - helgeteks päevadeks valgenahaline ja lõbus Enrico Cardoso Nazaré ja kehvemateks mustanahaline ja vinguvam Thiago Quirino da Silva ja kui meest ei taha, saab kiikuda.
Praegu on kõrgeim pakkumine alghind 1 dollar, nii et kõik soovijad peaks saama seda endale lubada ...
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2008/10/14
Hispaania, eelpidu, järelpidu... (settinud muljed)
Kui siin mõned päevad tagasi sai ennustatud, et Hispaania vuti vaatamine lõppeb niiske aluspesuga, siis see jäi õnneks ära. Elamus omaette oli siiski see mäng küll. Üldiselt oli raske kontsentreeruda mängule. Aga eks see ole seletatava selle veiniga, mis sai Oliveri juures soojenduseks joodud enne statale minekut. Samas, teiseks poolajaks oli asi juba enam-vähem :P
Peale mängu siiski olin mina veel 100% veendunud, et hispaanlaste kolmandat väravat ei loetud ja seis jäi 2 : 0 - tiba piinlik.
Igatahes pärast mängu sai Lii, Kalevi, Oliveri, Kalevi õemehe ja veel mingi viimase semuga linnapeale. Suhteliselt õpetlik tuur oli. Eriti selles osas, et see seltskonna kõige tundmatum liige pani minu hingeelu kohta selliseid põhjapanevaid diagnoose, et siiamaani ajab muigama. Kõigepealt püüdis ta mind veenda, et mina ja Oliver oleme täiuslik paar. Kui ma seda kuidagi ei uskunud, keskendus ta minu ja Kalevi kokkusobitamisele, mille peale me Kaleviga ei osanud kah enam midagi kosta vaid leppisime lihtsalt kokku, et selle selli fantaasiad unustame esmaspäevaks ära. Siis arvas tüüp, et nüüd oleks sobiv koht ennast minu unistuste mehe positsioonile pakkuda, aga ka sellest suuremeelsest propositsioonist loobusin...
Igatahes korjas Oliveri väikevend (no eriti väike ta siiski pole) meid Liiga kusagilt linnapealt üles ja lõpuks sai veel korra lausa Oliveri juures hommikul pepsit joomas käidud. Sealt seiklesin umbes 7ks hommikul koju. Pikk tööpäev, või kuidas?
***
Tänase päeva lõbusaim tõsieluline seik. Lugesin Rootsi tabloidist, et kinni istunu 44aastane püromaan, keda süüdistati süütamistest Lõuna-Rootsis, vabastati vahi alt. Tema esimene küsimus kohtumaja ees oodanud ajakirjanikele oli:
"Kas teil tuld on?"
:D
***
Tundub, et olen vist kaotanud oma viimasedki lugejad. Või vähemalt ei viitsi lugejad enam mind kommenteerida. Juba 10 päeva viimasest blogi autorile mitte kuuluvast elumärgist... Nuuuuuksss!
***
Homme Türgi mäng. Jipiiii - jälle üks tööpäev, mis lõppeb kesköö paiku! Enne seda süveneme arvude ja raha maailma. Ehk siis rubriik "mulle ei meeldi tööülesanded, millest ma aru ei saa!".
Homme algavad ka hullud päevad. Millegi pärast ei aja saba nii rulli kui tavaliselt. Kardetavasti on see seletatav minu pankrotilähedase olukorraga. Ja mõiste ülemaailmne finantskriis saab uue tähenduse...
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Peale mängu siiski olin mina veel 100% veendunud, et hispaanlaste kolmandat väravat ei loetud ja seis jäi 2 : 0 - tiba piinlik.
Igatahes pärast mängu sai Lii, Kalevi, Oliveri, Kalevi õemehe ja veel mingi viimase semuga linnapeale. Suhteliselt õpetlik tuur oli. Eriti selles osas, et see seltskonna kõige tundmatum liige pani minu hingeelu kohta selliseid põhjapanevaid diagnoose, et siiamaani ajab muigama. Kõigepealt püüdis ta mind veenda, et mina ja Oliver oleme täiuslik paar. Kui ma seda kuidagi ei uskunud, keskendus ta minu ja Kalevi kokkusobitamisele, mille peale me Kaleviga ei osanud kah enam midagi kosta vaid leppisime lihtsalt kokku, et selle selli fantaasiad unustame esmaspäevaks ära. Siis arvas tüüp, et nüüd oleks sobiv koht ennast minu unistuste mehe positsioonile pakkuda, aga ka sellest suuremeelsest propositsioonist loobusin...
Igatahes korjas Oliveri väikevend (no eriti väike ta siiski pole) meid Liiga kusagilt linnapealt üles ja lõpuks sai veel korra lausa Oliveri juures hommikul pepsit joomas käidud. Sealt seiklesin umbes 7ks hommikul koju. Pikk tööpäev, või kuidas?
***
Tänase päeva lõbusaim tõsieluline seik. Lugesin Rootsi tabloidist, et kinni istunu 44aastane püromaan, keda süüdistati süütamistest Lõuna-Rootsis, vabastati vahi alt. Tema esimene küsimus kohtumaja ees oodanud ajakirjanikele oli:
"Kas teil tuld on?"
:D
***
Tundub, et olen vist kaotanud oma viimasedki lugejad. Või vähemalt ei viitsi lugejad enam mind kommenteerida. Juba 10 päeva viimasest blogi autorile mitte kuuluvast elumärgist... Nuuuuuksss!
***
Homme Türgi mäng. Jipiiii - jälle üks tööpäev, mis lõppeb kesköö paiku! Enne seda süveneme arvude ja raha maailma. Ehk siis rubriik "mulle ei meeldi tööülesanded, millest ma aru ei saa!".
Homme algavad ka hullud päevad. Millegi pärast ei aja saba nii rulli kui tavaliselt. Kardetavasti on see seletatav minu pankrotilähedase olukorraga. Ja mõiste ülemaailmne finantskriis saab uue tähenduse...
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Ajalooline 100!!!
Nüüd saabub selle blogi kõige mõttetum postitus (mitte, et neid mõistlike tihti oleks), aga selle aasta 100. sissekannet tuleb ju eriliselt märkida. Nii et siin see nüüd on - 100 posti aastal 2008.
Aasta sajandat tähistame seejuures nii suurejooneliselt, sest üleüldise saja magasin maha....
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Aasta sajandat tähistame seejuures nii suurejooneliselt, sest üleüldise saja magasin maha....
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2008/10/11
Kingamõnitatud ja vettimisele määratud
Terve tänane päev on loonud ideaalsed eeldused mõnusaks äraolemiseks hilisõhtusel jalgpallistaadionil - mõnus ühtlane vihmasadu ja kottpimedus juba kella kaheks päeval. Kes kurat otsustas, et mängu alustatakse alles 21.45. See pull saab ju napilt alles südaööks läbi ja siis pressikad ja särgid-värgid. Siis ei saa enam normaalselt koju. Ja selleks ajaks on kindlasti juba kõik kohad ära külmunud ja vuplid niiskeks tõmmanud ka katuse all istudes. Peab vist sooja pesu välja otsima. Kas retuusid teksade all oleks liiga ekstreemne oktoobri alguse kohta?
***
Eile andis neljast kuueni Kadrioru staadionil istumine esimese mõnusa tunde välitöödest juba kontidesse. Seal on muidugi alati külm. Keegi on vist ettekavatsetult staadioni projekteerinud nii, et tuul keerutaks igast küljest ka siis, kui on tuulevaikne ilm.
Muidu polnudki väga hull. Uskumatul kombel Eesti jõmpsikad ei kaotanudki, lõid lausa paar väravat ja ulmevaldkonda kuuluva faktina pääsesid edasi järgmisesse ringi. Seal on muidugi juba kutu-piilu. Yeah right võidavad nad järgmise alagrupi ja pääsevad EM-ile. Isegi nad ise ei saa nii optimistlikud olla... Muidugi, kurat seda teab, mis nende tänapäeva noorte mõtetes liigub.
***
Õhtusele Hispaania koondise treeningule ma küll minna ei viitsinud. Hommikusest tüngast aitas! Affid! Läksin hoopis Osturallile. Resultaat oli väga mõistlik ja vaoshoitud. Ühest küljest mõjutab seda finantskriis, teisest küljest väsimus ning laiskus ja siis veel mingi kolmanda nurga alt vilets kaubavalik. No ei taha 129 eegu eest ekstra inetut käekotti!
Nii et väga kultuurne õhtupoolik. Kolleeg-Jakobson läks jalkalt ERSO kontserdile hoidma meie žurnaali lippu kõrgel :D Muigasin mõnuga tema õnnetu näo üle, aga kui juba tsikk nõuab, siis tuleb ju käsku täita!
***
Eilsesse mahtus ka järjekordne rünnak minu kingade suhtes. Minu meelest täiesti tavalised kingad - mustad, madalad, ilma igasuguse tiluliluta - aga selle nädala jooksul saanud rohkem kommentaare, kui ma üleüldse kõigi oma rõivaesemete eest eelneva viie aasta jooksul kokku.
Kõigepealt arvas tele-Sass kolmapäeval heaks tunda huvi, kas on ka uued kingad, et läigivad nii kenasti. No mida fakki? Tavalised kingad ja lakknahast peavadki läikima.
Eile pidas Õhtulehe-Järvele vajalikuks tunda huvi, kas neil on midagi pistmist ratsasaabastega ja meie oma sporditele-Krister väitis veendunult, et ma just otse hobuse seljast maha hüppasingi?!? Hallooo! Jätke mu kingad rahule - mulle meeldivad! ja hobused mulle ei meeldi!
***
Nüüd pessu. Siis vaatame, mis edasi saab.... Siis ligunema ja külmetama. Ja siis homme agaralt tööle. Nädalavahetus jälle persse pistetud!
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***
Eile andis neljast kuueni Kadrioru staadionil istumine esimese mõnusa tunde välitöödest juba kontidesse. Seal on muidugi alati külm. Keegi on vist ettekavatsetult staadioni projekteerinud nii, et tuul keerutaks igast küljest ka siis, kui on tuulevaikne ilm.
Muidu polnudki väga hull. Uskumatul kombel Eesti jõmpsikad ei kaotanudki, lõid lausa paar väravat ja ulmevaldkonda kuuluva faktina pääsesid edasi järgmisesse ringi. Seal on muidugi juba kutu-piilu. Yeah right võidavad nad järgmise alagrupi ja pääsevad EM-ile. Isegi nad ise ei saa nii optimistlikud olla... Muidugi, kurat seda teab, mis nende tänapäeva noorte mõtetes liigub.
***
Õhtusele Hispaania koondise treeningule ma küll minna ei viitsinud. Hommikusest tüngast aitas! Affid! Läksin hoopis Osturallile. Resultaat oli väga mõistlik ja vaoshoitud. Ühest küljest mõjutab seda finantskriis, teisest küljest väsimus ning laiskus ja siis veel mingi kolmanda nurga alt vilets kaubavalik. No ei taha 129 eegu eest ekstra inetut käekotti!
Nii et väga kultuurne õhtupoolik. Kolleeg-Jakobson läks jalkalt ERSO kontserdile hoidma meie žurnaali lippu kõrgel :D Muigasin mõnuga tema õnnetu näo üle, aga kui juba tsikk nõuab, siis tuleb ju käsku täita!
***
Eilsesse mahtus ka järjekordne rünnak minu kingade suhtes. Minu meelest täiesti tavalised kingad - mustad, madalad, ilma igasuguse tiluliluta - aga selle nädala jooksul saanud rohkem kommentaare, kui ma üleüldse kõigi oma rõivaesemete eest eelneva viie aasta jooksul kokku.
Kõigepealt arvas tele-Sass kolmapäeval heaks tunda huvi, kas on ka uued kingad, et läigivad nii kenasti. No mida fakki? Tavalised kingad ja lakknahast peavadki läikima.
Eile pidas Õhtulehe-Järvele vajalikuks tunda huvi, kas neil on midagi pistmist ratsasaabastega ja meie oma sporditele-Krister väitis veendunult, et ma just otse hobuse seljast maha hüppasingi?!? Hallooo! Jätke mu kingad rahule - mulle meeldivad! ja hobused mulle ei meeldi!
***
Nüüd pessu. Siis vaatame, mis edasi saab.... Siis ligunema ja külmetama. Ja siis homme agaralt tööle. Nädalavahetus jälle persse pistetud!
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2008/10/10
Mañana kultuur, my ass!
Kui räägitakse, et hispaanlastel on raskusi aegadest kinni pidamisega, siis see peab paika. Aga väga äraspidisel moel.
Pidi siis olema täna kell 12.45 Hispaania koondise pressikas - sellist infot anti eile ja veel täna tunnike tagasi. Läksin siis kohale 12.40ks ja nägin kuida Vincente del Bosque ütles oma viimased sõnad, tõusis püsti ja lahkus! Enne seda olid kolm mängijat ka käinud...
Pressikas hakkas tegelikult kell 12.00, ainult et ühelegi Eesti ajakirjanikule seda infot ei edastatud! Hästi, mañana siis...
Aga Xavit ja Güizat ja Mascheranot ja teisi ikka korraks mööda lidumas sai näha. Vähemalt sellega linnuke kirjas.
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Pidi siis olema täna kell 12.45 Hispaania koondise pressikas - sellist infot anti eile ja veel täna tunnike tagasi. Läksin siis kohale 12.40ks ja nägin kuida Vincente del Bosque ütles oma viimased sõnad, tõusis püsti ja lahkus! Enne seda olid kolm mängijat ka käinud...
Pressikas hakkas tegelikult kell 12.00, ainult et ühelegi Eesti ajakirjanikule seda infot ei edastatud! Hästi, mañana siis...
Aga Xavit ja Güizat ja Mascheranot ja teisi ikka korraks mööda lidumas sai näha. Vähemalt sellega linnuke kirjas.
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2008/10/05
Klassika vol 2 (kes kuulata ei viitsi, lugegu!)
No ikka veel on naljakas... lugesin ja naersin, nii et piss püksis...
Kirjapildis on veel parem, kui helilindil! Ehk siis Fucking Joe Kinnear märatseb ikka veel.
JK: Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?
SB: Me.
JK: You're a cunt.
SB: Thank you.
JK: Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] fucked off.
SB: No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?
JK: I've fucking read it, I've read it.
SB: It doesn't say that. Have you read it?
JK: You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.
SB: Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.
JK: Fuck off. Fuck off. It's your last fucking chance.
SB: You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.
JK: What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?
SB: I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.
JK: You are negative bastards, the pair of you.
SB: So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?
JK: It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?
SB: No, you can listen to who you want.
JK: I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.
SB: Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.
JK: No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.
SB: What? More important things?
JK: What are you? My personal secretary? Fuck off.
SB: You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday. You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them.
JK: I was meeting the fucking chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.
SB: It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.
JK: I can't trust any of you.
Niall Hickman Joe, no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first-team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.
JK: My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.
NH: But why Monday, no one could believe it?
JK: I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You are delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted, are you?
NH: Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?
JK: I have done it before. It is going to my fucking lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not fucking about. I don't talk to fucking anybody. It is raking up stories. You are fucking so fucking slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is fucking sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level ... [but] you will find some cunt that ...
Other journalist: How long is your contract for Joe?
JK: None of your business.
SB: Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say six to eight games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for. It is a dead simple question. And you don't know ...
JK: I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to fucking hide, he's trying to do this or that.
There follows an exchange regarding the circumstances under which Kinnear had met the owner Mike Ashley and executive director (football) Dennis Wise.
Steve Brenner (football writer for the Sun): We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people cunts?
JK: Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go.
Newcastle press officer: What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.
Journalist: Well, is that what Joe thinks?
JK: Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy [Chris Hughton, assistant manager] can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can fuck off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I'm not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I've got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop.
Journalist: It's only been a week.
JK: Exactly. It feels more like a year.
Journalist: It's early days for you to be like this.
JK: No, I'm clearing the air. And this is the last time I'm going to speak to you. You want to know why, I'm telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.
Journalist: But this isn't going to do you or us any good.
JK :I'll speak to the supporters. I'm going to tell them what the story is. I'm going to tell them. I don't think they'll interpret it any different, I don't think they'll mix it up, I don't think they'll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me ... I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like "Well, that's a load of bollocks ..."
Journalist: "Bollocks to that" is what you said.
JK: Bollocks to that. And what goes after that?
Journalist: That was it.
JK: No it wasn't, no it wasn't. What was after it? I don't know if it was your paper, but what went after it?
Journalist: I don't know.
JK: It even had the cheek to say "bollocks to Newcastle".
Journalist: I didn't write that.
JK: That was my first fucking day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?
Journalist: Where was that? Which paper said that?
JK: I've got it. I can't remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.
Journalist: But you didn't say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.
JK: I'll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that?
Journalist: Are you saying that someone has reported you saying "bollocks to Newcastle?"
JK: Yes. Lovely.
Journalist: I don't know who's reported that.
JK: I'll tell you what, I'll bring it in.
Journalist: That's obviously going to damage you. That's not a good thing. But I don't think someone's done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.
JK: So have I. But I haven't come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if I'm not flavour of the month for you, it don't fucking bother me. I've got a job to do. And I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. I'm not going to spend any more time listening to any crap or reading any crap. Stick to the truth and the facts. And don't twist anything.
Journalist: You know, you know the game ...
JK: Of course I know, but I don't have to like it.
Journalist: Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're cunts, we can all fuck off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?
JK: Do it. Fine. Fucking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it'll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.
Much, much later after long discussions over whether Kinnear had promised Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan would be returning to the club
Press officer: Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it.
Journalist: But that's what Joe has said he thinks of us.
Press officer: I'm saying don't push it. Let's accept what's been said and try and move on.
Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?
PO: No, to doing something now.
Journalist: What, one press conference only?
(Silence)
Journalist: Any knocks?
PO: Come on, let's go football.
Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? How's the training going?
JK: It's going very well. No problems at all.
Journalist: Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?
JK: Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it.
.
Kirjapildis on veel parem, kui helilindil! Ehk siis Fucking Joe Kinnear märatseb ikka veel.
JK: Which one is Simon Bird [Daily Mirror's north-east football writer]?
SB: Me.
JK: You're a cunt.
SB: Thank you.
JK: Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] fucked off.
SB: No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?
JK: I've fucking read it, I've read it.
SB: It doesn't say that. Have you read it?
JK: You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.
SB: Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.
JK: Fuck off. Fuck off. It's your last fucking chance.
SB: You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.
JK: What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?
SB: I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.
JK: You are negative bastards, the pair of you.
SB: So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?
JK: It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?
SB: No, you can listen to who you want.
JK: I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.
SB: Joe, you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.
JK: No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.
SB: What? More important things?
JK: What are you? My personal secretary? Fuck off.
SB: You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday. You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them.
JK: I was meeting the fucking chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.
SB: It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.
JK: I can't trust any of you.
Niall Hickman Joe, no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first-team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.
JK: My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.
NH: But why Monday, no one could believe it?
JK: I'm not going to tell you anything. I don't understand where you are coming from. You are delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted, are you?
NH: Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?
JK: I have done it before. It is going to my fucking lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not fucking about. I don't talk to fucking anybody. It is raking up stories. You are fucking so fucking slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is fucking sensible. Anyone who had played for me for 10 years at any level ... [but] you will find some cunt that ...
Other journalist: How long is your contract for Joe?
JK: None of your business.
SB: Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say six to eight games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for. It is a dead simple question. And you don't know ...
JK: I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to fucking hide, he's trying to do this or that.
There follows an exchange regarding the circumstances under which Kinnear had met the owner Mike Ashley and executive director (football) Dennis Wise.
Steve Brenner (football writer for the Sun): We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people cunts?
JK: Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go.
Newcastle press officer: What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.
Journalist: Well, is that what Joe thinks?
JK: Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy [Chris Hughton, assistant manager] can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of yous. I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can fuck off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me. I'm ridiculed for no reason. I'm defenceless. I can't get a point in, I can't say nothing, I can't do nothing, but I ain't going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I'm not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I've got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It's ongoing. It just doesn't stop.
Journalist: It's only been a week.
JK: Exactly. It feels more like a year.
Journalist: It's early days for you to be like this.
JK: No, I'm clearing the air. And this is the last time I'm going to speak to you. You want to know why, I'm telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.
Journalist: But this isn't going to do you or us any good.
JK :I'll speak to the supporters. I'm going to tell them what the story is. I'm going to tell them. I don't think they'll interpret it any different, I don't think they'll mix it up, I don't think they'll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me ... I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like "Well, that's a load of bollocks ..."
Journalist: "Bollocks to that" is what you said.
JK: Bollocks to that. And what goes after that?
Journalist: That was it.
JK: No it wasn't, no it wasn't. What was after it? I don't know if it was your paper, but what went after it?
Journalist: I don't know.
JK: It even had the cheek to say "bollocks to Newcastle".
Journalist: I didn't write that.
JK: That was my first fucking day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?
Journalist: Where was that? Which paper said that?
JK: I've got it. I can't remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.
Journalist: But you didn't say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.
JK: I'll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that?
Journalist: Are you saying that someone has reported you saying "bollocks to Newcastle?"
JK: Yes. Lovely.
Journalist: I don't know who's reported that.
JK: I'll tell you what, I'll bring it in.
Journalist: That's obviously going to damage you. That's not a good thing. But I don't think someone's done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.
JK: So have I. But I haven't come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if I'm not flavour of the month for you, it don't fucking bother me. I've got a job to do. And I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. I'm not going to spend any more time listening to any crap or reading any crap. Stick to the truth and the facts. And don't twist anything.
Journalist: You know, you know the game ...
JK: Of course I know, but I don't have to like it.
Journalist: Today we'll print the absolute truth, that you think we're cunts, we can all fuck off and we're slimy. Is that fair enough?
JK: Do it. Fine. Fucking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it'll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.
Much, much later after long discussions over whether Kinnear had promised Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan would be returning to the club
Press officer: Let's get on to football. Let's have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it's wiped off and we're not discussing it.
Journalist: But that's what Joe has said he thinks of us.
Press officer: I'm saying don't push it. Let's accept what's been said and try and move on.
Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?
PO: No, to doing something now.
Journalist: What, one press conference only?
(Silence)
Journalist: Any knocks?
PO: Come on, let's go football.
Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? How's the training going?
JK: It's going very well. No problems at all.
Journalist: Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?
JK: Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it.
.
Vanemliku hoolitsuseta jõnglased
Kristel sõitis Pärnusse. Oma karvased tattninad jättis kõik maha - isegi taskupärdik Willhelmi.
Nüüd püherdavad kaks pisikest tüüpi sündsusetult kapi peal...
... ja vantsik märatseb armatuuri küljes.
Peaks vist lapsehoidmise eest lisatasu küsima?!
.
Nüüd püherdavad kaks pisikest tüüpi sündsusetult kapi peal...
... ja vantsik märatseb armatuuri küljes.
Peaks vist lapsehoidmise eest lisatasu küsima?!
.
2008/10/04
Klassika
Pole enam küll tegemist teab mis uue asjaga, aga lõbus on ikka. Ehk siis lõpetage kurtmine teema, et meedias on ainult ebahuvitavad klišeed ja valitud sõnad! :D
Originaal, koos loomulikult tsenseeritud piiksudega, avaldati juba mõnda aega tagasi, kuid õnneks või kahjuks jätkus Guardianil viitsimist taastada kogu Newcastle'i treeneri Joe Kinnear'i avaldus koos selles sisalduva umbes 100 (keegi kurat ei viitsi neid kokku lugeda) fuck'i ning kümnekonna cunts'i ja bollocks'iga.
Tore mees. Kahjuks saab ta oma ametist ilmselt kiiresti vabaks. Mitte, et ilma ropendamiseta oleks tal ees olnud pikem karjäär...
.
Originaal, koos loomulikult tsenseeritud piiksudega, avaldati juba mõnda aega tagasi, kuid õnneks või kahjuks jätkus Guardianil viitsimist taastada kogu Newcastle'i treeneri Joe Kinnear'i avaldus koos selles sisalduva umbes 100 (keegi kurat ei viitsi neid kokku lugeda) fuck'i ning kümnekonna cunts'i ja bollocks'iga.
Tore mees. Kahjuks saab ta oma ametist ilmselt kiiresti vabaks. Mitte, et ilma ropendamiseta oleks tal ees olnud pikem karjäär...
.
Maailmapoliitika ehk kui ma oleks ameeriklane...
Mida teha laupäeva hommikul, kui ainus asi päevakorras on laisklemine? Veidrad testid veebis loomulikult. Seekord olin täitsa asjalik kusjuures ning katsusin vaadata, kas maailm läheb minu soovide kohaselt või mitte. Ehk siis, kellega USA presidendivalimistel minu vaated rohkem ühtivad. Enda peal on võimalik seda asja katsetada näiteks siin.
Resultaat oli selles mõttes ootuspärane, et konservatiivide hookus-pookust ma väga ei seedi. Nii et Obama is my man!
Mis mind väheke häirib, et kohe nii selgelt. Liberaalne, ok. Aga ma olin ise kindel, et ma majanduslikult kaldun rohkem sinna paremasse serva, et siis igaüks vaadaku, kuidas ise hakkama saab. Tuleb välja, et ma olen ikkagi pigem see tüüp, kes nõuab tasuta ravi, sotsiaaltoetusi ja muud rahaabi ja seda kõigile. Padu-liberalistis koorus välja sala-sotsialist...
.
Resultaat oli selles mõttes ootuspärane, et konservatiivide hookus-pookust ma väga ei seedi. Nii et Obama is my man!
Mis mind väheke häirib, et kohe nii selgelt. Liberaalne, ok. Aga ma olin ise kindel, et ma majanduslikult kaldun rohkem sinna paremasse serva, et siis igaüks vaadaku, kuidas ise hakkama saab. Tuleb välja, et ma olen ikkagi pigem see tüüp, kes nõuab tasuta ravi, sotsiaaltoetusi ja muud rahaabi ja seda kõigile. Padu-liberalistis koorus välja sala-sotsialist...
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